Help for men

A paper trail

Men are frequently not believed when reporting domestic violence against them.  They may not be believed by the police who may prefer the false allegations of their partner.  They may not be believed in court by magistrates or judges who have inadequate training and poor understanding of domestic violence and who prefer to bring their personal prejudices to the case.

A 'paper trail' can help to provide evidence but it does carry with it the risk that it is seen as the man trying to frame the woman so it needs to be compiled with integrity.  The 'paper trail' can consist of reports of incidents to the police, corroboration from friends who are prepared to give statements, doctor's and hospital reports, perhaps a letter from a counsellor, and a personal journal or diary.  Text messages and emails can be very helpful and should be saved but remember that your partner may be saving messages also.  It is possible to record telephone conversations but it isn't always easy to use these as evidence in court as professional transcripts may be required by the courts.

All of these can bring about further intimidation or violence from the perpetrator so where possible should be kept secret.  This applies in particular to the personal journal or diary which if possible should be kept in electronic from, should be password protected and ideally saved on the web so that it cannot be read or deleted by the perpetrator. 

 I wrote my diary up in my lunch break at work.  It really helped with statements for the court.  It also helped me to decide that I really had to end the relationship.

Never retaliate

No matter how difficult, try to never retaliate physically.

No matter how difficult, try not to provoke an outburst from your partner.  If you see the signs of an outburst coming then walk away.

Retaliation can escalate the situation and can be used against you by your partner.  Angry text messages or emails can be used against you so allow yourself to cool off and try to respond in a measured way no matter how much you are provoked.